So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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