i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
