my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
