Already got asked if we're dating
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
