Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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