Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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