Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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