i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize