i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
