still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
