We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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