you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize