you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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