It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
