I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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