I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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