I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
