So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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