Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
