normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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