i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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