Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
