Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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