I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
