did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
