I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize