I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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