If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
