Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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