If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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