We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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