Plan B is the new Plan A
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
