nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He did a backflip because drugs
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize