I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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