Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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