well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize