I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize