guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
