I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
