so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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