thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize