I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize