But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
