So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
