got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
