i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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