I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
