She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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