I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
