don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
