Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
