my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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