i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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