so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
