It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
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