I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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