Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
