Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
