you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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