Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
