i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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