so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
