Don't make out with my wife yet
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
